Another 2 more days

Assalamualaikum :(

I wish umi is here prepare things with us. With her smile. Her foods. Her lots of ideas and thinks. But she's at hospital now and......

Tipu laa kalau aku kata aku tak sedih. Kadang kadang bila masa tak kuat datang, meleleh air mata bawah selimut.

She used to be so much excited about my wedding since last year, lepas tunang.. But not this time..

I face it alone. I do it alone but Allah never leave me. Alhamdulillah..

Kadang kadang bila orang cakap apa rasa nak kawen, excited tak? Sebahagian dalam diri aku cakap, be in me, u gonna know how i feel. Tapi aku senyumkan je. Aku gelak gelak je. Nak tunjuk sakit untuk apa?

Aku ulang banyak kali, He chose me because I can face it. He gives this hard time, because later He gonna gives me good time. Allah, mohon sayang aku ke umi sama lepas kahwin nanti.

Malam ni terasa sedih. Rumah aku tak macam nak ada kenduri pon. HAMBAR. Huhu. Umi... Kalau umi kat rumah i bet i'm gonna feel the day. But...

Allah gives her the normal life again Allah. Let her breathe with her lung again Allah. Show me the miracle Allah. I need that. - sungguh tiap kali doa ni, aku sedar sesedar sedarnya, lemah kita ni kat dunia.

Okk lah. Umi nak makan kopok dengan buah. Nak sesiap. Gonna sleep next to her tonight. Seronoknya! :)

Mohon aku kuat. Amin aminnn.

5 more days

Assalamualaikum =(

hish macam tak percaya. tapi rasa dia KOSONG sikit laa. bukan sebab kahwin paksa. tapi sebab......

I wish umi in the best condition. but Allah has a great and best plan which I'm not sure yet where's the Hikmah, but i know they must be something. InshaAllahhh.

"disebalik kesusahan, pasti ada kensenangan"- his word, recorded and proved.


so condition apa yer sekarang yang lagi 5 hari ni? PLAIN lagi. i still attending the KAP kursus. tsk. in one time i do feel like.. WHY CAN'T I TAKE A LEAVE AND FINISH THE WORKS?

tapi aku nampak hikmah dia. Allah pon tau kemampuan aku. sebab tu perancangan Dia macam ni.

doorgift tak masuk dalam beg pon lagi.
hantaran tak buat lagi.
rumah pon baru acah-acah kemas je.
inai tak beli lagi. hehe

tapi yang lain lain inshaAllah siap dah kot. rasanya kalau takde aral apa, inshaAllah sempat by Friday.

apart from all, mental, physical apa semua ni..... I do try prepare myself as I can do.nervous nak hidup berdua ni. aku dah biasa sengsorang, tetibaaaa....

mohon i can adjust them well. tapi one side of life tu rasa excited gak. kalau sebelum ni aku nangis sengsorang dalam keta lepas tengok umi, lepas ni maybe ada bahu nak tadah air mata. Ja, you boleh prepare baldi sesiap kot. I kuat nangis. HAHA.


ok lahh. dah nak kena turun untuk kursus. takde mood nak breakfast pagi ni. huhu. see yaa! doakan semua goes well and I can adjust my emotion well. oh ya most important appreciate those who help a lot. - i need a speech for this. huhu.


ok nah teaser baju nikah. thou takde orang kisah pon aku nak gak letak. HAHA.

Lagi 7 hari

Asslamualaikum :)

Lagi 7 hari nak tukar status. Perasaan.... Sama je cuma macam tak percaya. Duduk dalam kursus ni lagi laa.. Macam tak perasan je nak kawen dah dekat. Hikhik.

So alhamdulillah sangat sangat, finally lagi 7 hari ni siap jugak baju nikah aku. Fuhh.

Bukan la aku jahit sendiri, aku jahit manik jee. Actually tak banyak mana, kalau betul betul rajin nak siapkan dua minggu pon boleh. Ni aku...

Yelaa jahit lepas kursus. Mata tak payah cakap la ngntok gilaaa. So buat dua tiga kuntum rehat.. Tu yang lambat jee... Haha

Part jari tercucuk benang jangan cakap, banyak kali. Tambah tambah part jahit manik tu kat dalam tangan, mencabar.

Tapi senanya tak susah mana. Aku x penah pegang benang ng jarum pon jadi, apetah lagi orang yang memang menjahit. Hehe.

Okk da ngantok esok pagi 830 plak kursus. Okkk night eh. See ya. Byeee.

Neb

Assalamualaikum :(

Another hospital story. After the check up, they saw her breathing number (i dont know what you call it in medic term) is around 83 which normal person should have at least 95.

So they put some neb. She seems more and more worst. Next they did immediate chest scan, yes her lubg covered like almost 75℅ by fluid.

The did the tap to bring out the fluids, with our consent. - i guess this such our big decision to make. As first umi refused to do the tap. But we think together, yes tap maybe one of the effort to help her. So at last she agreed. Around 2.30 pm they started it.

At 4pm dr said the tap was done. Around 600ml fluids they bring out. Another like 600ml for tomorrow. Okkk..

So she admitted to the ward. Again the breathing number still low without the oxygen help. Tskk

The most painful time for me, masa nak neb. I see the machine number drop to 82 but i still have to force her with the neb. Sedih sangat tengok. - masa neb ni aku salu nangis. Aku risau nombo tu drop sampai sikit sgt2.

Okk aku da ngntok. Just... Please pray. Umi salu buat lawak 'tak sempat'. Gosh seriously i hate that. Sedihnyaa laa hai. But i will still be positive. InshaAllah...

Night

Critical

Assalamualaikum :)

Im restraining myself to think even to talk about this. Since its not such an easy word or story to tell. But.. As i really want to keep it as solid memory, i will try to write something abt this. :(

Last year, umi was identified as having breast cancer stage 3. Right after identified the doc did the operation. She seems well after the operation.

We took turn for brought her to IKN for chemotherapy and another further treatment. She finished the radiotherapy and all last Nov. On her last day at radiotherapy, i said bye bye to IKN bcs i thought that was the last time.

Unfortunately......

On her next treatment after the last radiotherapy, doc identified the cancer still there and currently moving to the lung. I thought that was still normal.

But its not.

These few days, she not even picking up my phone, she cant speak. She has difficulties to speak as she very sick.

Last two days, she's sick again. She cant even breathe. So we went to Dr Zarina clinic. Dr called me and said... Her cancer now at the stage 4.

Let her be happy. Entertain her. Be with her. - i guess this is the advise for no hope patient. Is it?

Its very sad. I am about to get married in another few more days. Allah, berat ujian ni Allah..... Im still looking for the Hikmah and strengths for this. :(

Currently I'm at Hospital. She needs another treatment. She's very sick. I cant even sit next to her as its really sad to hear her hard breathing.

Allah please Allah gives her the best health. Put her in the best condition Allah... She needs your big big help Allah... Please Allah as you create the disease for reason, i hope you can cure it for good. Allah listen to our dua, we need you the Most Powerful creator. :(